Who Knows? Google Knows!

“Who knows what evil lies in the hearts of man? The Shadow knows.” That’s the tag line on a radio show my parents listened to in the 50s.

The 2000s version of ‘who knows?’ is Google. It seems Google can answer any question I have. And it usually knows exactly what my question is after I type a few characters or words.

Google’s accuracy at delivering exactly what I want is uncanny. Google is 1,000 times more accurate than retail store searches. If I search for lemons (with the ending S) in my grocery store app I get lemons but I also get lemon-pepper roast chicken breast, lemon soft drinks, yogurt, lemon-dill salmon burgers, lemon poppy muffins, seasonings and cleaning products. Now why would I want lemon pepper chicken breast if I only typed lemons? If I wanted chicken breast, wouldn’t I have typed in chicken breast?

Google has figured that out. When I type in lemons in Google, Google presents me with a shopping section at the top with lemons (and only lemons). The list under the shopping banner relates to lemons (and only lemons). It gives the Wikipedia definition of lemons, a couple of articles on the health benefit of lemons and the bottom has a banner of recipes using lemons. Nowhere on the first page does it mention chicken breast, cleaning products or yogurt.

I love Google. But it’s exciting and scary at the same time. It’s comforting to know I have the answer to any question at my fingertips. But it’s worrying how much Google knows about me. Google knows me better than my best friend, my husband or the government. It knows my music tastes, my food tastes, my reading tastes. It knows what kind of clothes I wear and where I buy them. It knows where I live, shop and what forms of entertainment I like. It knows my hobbies, what kinds of exercise I like, and my favorite artists and musicians. (Note: I use Google a lot so you might find Google doesn’t know you as well as it knows me.)

Google might think it knows things about me that aren’t about me. I sometimes Google health issues for my friends. Google might think I have diabetes, toenail fungus and erectile disfunction.

Sometimes I don’t Google something I’ve seen on TV if I suspect it’s violent or dark or kinky. I don’t want it on my permanent Google record.

To show you how much Google knows about me, when I started this article, I typed “radio show the “and Google’s first suggestion was The Shadow. I hadn’t even typed in the “S.” How, how did Google figure out I was thinking about The Shadow?* Out of all the things I could be searching for after typing the word “The “, Google presents me exactly what I was looking for. That’s just freaky!

Conspiracy theorists think the government was putting micro-chips in the Covid vaccine. With Google’s spot-on responses to my every question, I wonder if Google hasn’t somehow planted a microchip in me. Or maybe it’s using radio waves to read my mind. Maybe I should wear and aluminum foil hat so Google can’t read my mind (see Foil Hat). Or maybe just wear a foil hat when I use Google.

"Who knows? Google knows!"

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Instructions on making a Tin Foil hat (for your grandkids)

* Actually, I’m guessing the reason Google knew I wanted The Shadow is that it keeps track of what people selected when it presents a list and The Shadow was probably the most popular. If you are interested in how Google gets such reliable results visit Google delivers reliable results.