At 7:15 this morning hubby asked Alexa about the weather. She said, “high of 75, low of 65 and sunny.” She added, “I can also remind you of things. Ask me to remind you of something, and I’ll set a reminder for you.” That’s good, I need reminding of a lot of things lately. Except I always forget to ask.
It’s nice that Alexa reminds us, but she sometimes seems pretty nosy – even invasive. One night while playing cards our friend swooned about his mom’s peanut butter cookies, “She even added extra peanuts.” Alexa pops up, “I can make a shopping list for you and add peanuts. Would you like me to do that? Oh, and you’ll need butter. Should I add it to the list?”
I’m curious about what would happen if I decided to have Alexa make a shopping list. Would I have to drag a giant extension cord through the grocery aisles to power her? Would I need WiFi? Because the grocery WiFi is worse than dial-up. Also, Alexa doesn’t have a screen how would I know what’s on my list? Does she just blurt out the list every minute? “Don’t forget the flour. And the peanut butter. And the butter for the peanut butter cookies. Also, toilet paper. Lots of toilet paper.”
My grocery app is bad enough. Even though it attempts to list things by aisle, it has me zig-zagging through the store. It lists produce last even though it’s at the first thing when you enter the store.
Since she’s an Amazon product, Alexa sometimes gets a little pushy. When you least expect it she’ll announce a sale on something she thinks we need; “Sue, it looks like you might be running out of Cheez-Its. There is a special this week. Would you like me to order you some?“ I didn’t even know I was running low on Cheez-Its. How did she know?
What really scares me is how Alexa seems all-knowing. Today I was looking for brining bags on my grocery store app to marinade chicken. Now Amazon‘s list of “things you might like” included roasting bags, slow cooker liners, and air fryer liners. How did Amazon know what I was looking for on my Publix App? Or was Alexa spying on my conversation when hubby asked me to get some bags for marinating? Or did Amazon realize I had Googled ‘brining’ to see how it’s spelled? Any of those is scary. Alexa, Amazon, and Google know too much about me.
Amazon tries to be helpful. The main page has all kinds of suggestions: New arrivals inspired by your recent searches. Gifts inspired by your shopping history. Books you might like, and Beauty Bestsellers You’ll Love. In Items based on your recent search. I was stymied that Amazon listed ‘Hunting Accessories’ and ‘Auto for Sale’ signs. I don’t hunt and I have no intention of selling my car. Is hubby planning something sinister I didn’t know about? Shoot me, get the insurance, and buy a new Porche. I know about these things. I watch Forensic Files.
But let’s be real—we are Amazon addicts. Our front porch is like a satellite warehouse. If there aren’t any boxes at our door our neighbors call to see if we are ok. We’ve ordered everything from Act mouthwash (because the store was out) to Zeroll ice cream scoops, spices, socks, sauces, and trash cans. Today, it was Band-Aids. Hubby insists they’re cheaper online.
Luckily we’ve never had porch pirates. But if they did strike, I’d love to see their reaction when they discover that big, heavy box they swiped contains… 25 pounds of kitty litter. A true jackpot—for someone with a diarrhetic cat. Or a northern thief who needs traction on their driveway.
One man on Facebook had his package stolen off of his front porch. His doorbell video recorded the theft. He laughed because the thief stole a $4 container of thumbtacks. The guy wasn’t mad—he was amused. And apparently, Facebook paid him $23.17 for posting about it. How do I get in on that deal?
People even steal things they know are cheap. Our apartment building has a clipboard in the lobby for party sign-ups. It sat there for four years, Staples plastic wrap still covering the board. Then one day—poof! It was gone. But get this—the thief left a replacement. A dilapidated clipboard with a rusty clip.
So somewhere out there is a person who will steal a $6.99 clipboard but feels guilty enough to leave a backup. People are strange.
You always amuse and entertain with the realities of day to day living