What Gift Should I Give?

It’s the holidays and many of us are faced with the task of figuring out what gifts to get our friends and relatives. What’s your gift buying strategy?

Some people are amazing sleuths and figure out just the right gift to give based on observing the gift recipient throughout the year. But sometimes that backfires. David Sedaris, author of Me Talk Pretty One Day, said “people visit and see you have more than one of something and say, “ah ha, now I know what to get them for Christmas.” With Sedaris it was owls. Someone noticed an Understanding Owls book in his bookcase and gave him an owl candle, Then another person, noticing the book and the candle, gave him another owl gift. The collection grew. What’s funny is David had no interest in owls – it was his partner’s book.

My friend has an accidental collection of pepper mills. He hosts a “Second Sunday” potluck dinner and when visitors saw he had two pepper mills they assumed he collected pepper mills. He’s ended up with dozens. He doesn’t have the heart to give them away or to tell people their sincere efforts to give him something meaningful are somewhat amiss. And he knows many of the givers come to his home and expect to see the pepper mill they gave him. So he keeps them and displays them when people come over.

So, if you see someone has several of one object, it’s best to ask them if they actually collect them before giving them that object for Christmas.

Then there are the thoughtful, but slightly misguided gifts. The excellent seamstress that makes clothes for her nieces and nephews. In a classic scene in The Christmas Story, nine-year-old Ralphie’s aunt Clara gives him pink bunny pajamas complete with bunny-eared hoody and bunny slippers. Ralphie’s mother makes him model them. Ralphie narrates, “My feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies with their blue bunny eyes stared sappily up at me. I just hoped that Flick (his schoolmate) would never spot them because he would make life at Warren G. Harding school a veritable hell.” On seeing Ralphie in the suit his mom sighs, “Oh, isn’t that the most precious thing you’ve seen in your life,” While Ralphie’s little brother Randy laughs tauntingly and his father says, “you look like a deranged easter bunny.” If you are interested, you can by your own bunny pajamas (1) or Ralphie Bunny pajama ornament (2),

At the opposite end of gift planned based on careful observation is the unplanned gift – the “oops, we need to take a gift, grab something” gift. At the top on that list is the bottle of wine people give when going to a holiday party. For decades we hosted a holiday open house. We made it known that we didn’t want gifts but people would bring wine. One person gave us a 15-year-old bottle of cheap white zinfandel. You could tell it was past it’s prime before opening it because it had white flecks in it. They even put a gift tag on it. The thing is, with over 40 guests, we never would have known if they gave us a gift or not.

Then there’s the people who think they need to give you a gift and give you something that ends up being insulting. One year someone, who I thought was a friend, gave us an obviously used marble wine cooler. The fake brass rim had rust and the cooler had stains down the side. Ouch, I had given that friend a set of Waterford crystal Christmas ornaments, Guess I made the mistake of thinking she would appreciate the ornaments, since she collected Waterford and Christmas ornaments. At least they had a return receipt in them.

I’ve certainly had my share of gift-giving blunders. I gave my husband, then my fiancée, an electric shaver for graduation. He used a razor. I gave my parents towels for their 25th wedding anniversary because their towels were old but, of course, they were expecting silver.

Giving an old, obviously used gift may be even worse than regifting, but not always. The internet is full of horror stories of regifting blunders: Pens engraved with someone else’s name; gifts re-given to the original giver (e.g., a book with the note from the giver on the inside cover); or an expired gift card. When giving gifts, they say it’s the thought that counts, but sometimes you wonder what people were thinking.

I used to ask my family for lists of what they wanted. One year my 10-year-old niece gave me her list with a 101 Dalmatians snow globe at the top of the list. I searched but couldn't find it (that was before internet shopping). When she opened her present and didn’t see the snow globe she pouted. I told her I couldn’t find the snow globe. She said, “duh – the Disney Store is close to where you work.” I hadn’t thought to look there, and none of the store clerks where I shopped had suggested I might find it at the Disney Store. Those sales clerks weren’t like Auntie Mame (a 1958 movie), the helpful sales clerk at Macys who shouts at a customer disappointed because Macys was out of roller skates, “get them at Gimbals!”

Since then, my strategy has been gift cards. Some people think they are tacky and thoughtless, but at least I’m not giving people unwanted collectibles, goofy bunny pajamas, or re-gifted personalized items. On the other hand, my grand nieces and nephews might not remember Aunt Sue’s $50 gift card. Maybe it’s not so bad being remembered as the crazy aunt that gave them bunny pajamas.

The other problem with gift cards is the lack of presents under the tree. Even if you put the gift card in a box with a box, it’s anticlimactic to open the box and see a gift card.

For wrapped presents under the tree, maybe we should go back to depression era gift giving when much needed new socks or underwear were commonplace. Socks can be an expensive gift nowadays. Six pair of colorful socks from Bombas cost $99.

As you set about this holiday gift-giving season how are you choosing your gifts? Do you search for the perfect gift? There is a lot of pleasure in that – but only if you get it right. Do you give gift cards? Does your family do a gift swap? Or do you do as some families to and avoid gift-giving and just treat everyone to a nice dinner out?

Whatever your strategy, I hope you can share your holiday season with family or friends. That’s the best gift.

References

1. Amazon.com, Ralphie Bunny Pajamas

2. Hallmark, Ralphie Bunny Pajamas Ornament

3. Town and Country Philippines, The Funniest and Most Horrifying Stories of Re-Gifting, Esquire Magazine, December 27, 2017’

4. The Worse Re-gifting Etiquette Mistakes You Can Make, the Daily Meal, August 12, 2016

5. Sarah Cunnane, The 27 Worst Christmas Gifts People Have Ever Received, Moneywise, December 23, 2021