I never thought much about standing up until recently. When I sit in my recliner my butt is lower than my knees. That makes it harder to stand. I scoot to the front of the seat which is a few inches higher. Then I talk to myself, “Ok, no cheating by using your hands. You can do this! One two three. One two three. One two three. Ouch.” Guess I’d better start doing my squats again.
I look sort of like a monkey when I try to stand up
Once I stand, gravity takes hold and all the liquid I drank in the past hour rushes to my bladder. I want to run to the bathroom, but my legs are stiff. What’s happening to me?
It seems like I’ve lived until now without all these aches, pains, and lessened capabilities. As Bonnie Tyler says in, Total Eclipse of the Heart, “Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart.” I used to chuckle at those lyrics, but now I really get it.
The doc says I’m doing ok. Then come those dreaded words, “for your age.” According to his measure of well being, my ‘numbers’ are good, (with the help of modern medicine) so there’s nothing to worry about. But he’s not the one trying to stand up unassisted from a recliner.
Speaking of standing up, do you know how tall you are? Before every doctor’s appointment they take your vitals. Several years ago the Physician Assistant measured my height. “Five feet five,” she said. I said, “It should be five feet five and one-half. I may not have been standing up straight.” She tried once more, “No, it’s five feet five,” That’s the first time I realized I was shrinking.
Height charts from Amazon. (1,2) Shadow man not included
Now doctor’s offices no longer take our height. They no longer have the scales with a measuring stick on them. They just ask, “How tall are you?” I should answer, “I don’t know,” because I don’t know if I’ve shrunk since that measure 10 years ago. My friend has shrunk four inches.
How many people our age measure their height? Our mommies aren’t still marking the wall with our height gain (or loss, in our case). Do the doctors assume we have those height stickers by our doors so we can accurately report our height?
Since I haven’t been measured in ten years, I asked hubby to mark the wall. I’ve shrunk another 1/4 inch. Not bad, I guess. The University of Arkansas for Medical Science says, “Men can gradually lose an inch between the ages of 30 to 70, and women can lose about two inches. After the age of 80, it’s possible for both men and women to lose another inch.” (3) So should I lie when the PA asks me how tall I am? Or just say my height of ten years ago?
Height is used to calculate Body Mass Index (BMI), an important measure that doctors pay attention to. If I’ve shrunk, my BMI gets higher. Researcher that I am, I calculated how many inches I’d have to shrink to become overweight: over three inches. Whew! So I guess I don’t need to worry about lying about my height for a while.
While researching BMI and height shrinkage and I switched tabs on my PC browser and somehow a YouTube video popped up: “Body Shape Master Class: How to Disguise an Apron Stomach.” I’ve never heard the term apron stomach. I guess if I’m concerned about BMI, Google thinks I’m also concerned about a chubby tummy and how to dress to disguise it. In the YouTube suggestion section on the right, there were various other videos: Frumpy Fashion Fixes, 9 life-changing clothing hacks if you have a tummy. And once you’ve watched the videos to improve your dress, YouTube figures you need to step up your pronunciation, so 20 French brands YOU Pronounce Wrong is included in the list.
Out of curiosity, I actually watched the 20 French Brands video. I wouldn’t recommend the video. It’s just another way of making you feel inadequate – I have a hard time standing, I have to pee a lot, my legs are stiff, I have a tummy I have to disguise, and now I have to worry I’m pronouncing Chanel, Moët & Chandon, and Louis Vuitton wrong, not that I say them that often.
Who knew that struggling to stand up from my recliner would bring up all these other issues? I guess I should just concentrate on squats and forget the other senior problems for the time being.
Prologue:
Today is the start of daylight savings time. We changed our clocks last night. Fortunately, modern technology changes most of our clocks for us. Cars can be problematic. We never could figure out how to change the time on our Honda, so for ½ of the year we drove with a sticky note on the clock to remind us to add an hour to the displayed time. My radio/alarm clock has a nifty switch on the back, + an hour or – an hour. I love that. I hate everything else about the clock. The display brightens every time I press the snooze so after a few snoozes it’s like a floodlight. I have to remember to reset it before I go to bed the next night. It has nine buttons and if I hit the wrong button music blares and I can’t figure out how to stop it. But twice a year I love that clock because it’s so easy to change the time. Hope all your clocks are that easy.
References
Wood and Fabric Wall Growth Chart, Height Measurement, Amazon.com
Door Security Height marker, Multi Color Security Door Sticker, Amazon.com
Do People Shrink as They Age?, UAMS Health, March 8, 2019
Further info on getting out of your chair
Sikana English, Getting up from a Chair | Exercise for Older Adults, YouTube
Bob & Brad, 10 Tips for Recliner/Chair For Those Who Can't Stand Easily, YouTube
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