When we were touring our community’s kitchen the executive chef gave us insight into how they prepare over 700 meals a day. We stopped at the various food prep stations: soup, salad, meat, etc. Chef discussed how our meals are prepared with fresh, not canned, ingredients. Throughout the tour, he invited comments and questions. Residents were engaged, praising the chef for our wonderful soups and desserts, commenting on their favorite dishes, and asking questions about food preparation.
Toward the end of the tour, we were standing by the pizza preparation area. Chef explained “We have some of the best crust in the area. It takes two days to prepare the dough.”
A resident responded, “Pizza is the perfect food. It has all the nutrients of breast milk.”1,2 The talkative group fell silent. What can you say after a comment like that? The chef guided the residents a few steps further into the dining room, but the group’s energy was gone. Thank goodness the tour was about to end.
The Pizza Oven in our community's kitchen
Now I’ll have to shake the image of a lactating breast from my brain every time pizza is mentioned.
What a way to start a conversation
My friends and I were seated at a table at the restaurant chosen for the month’s gourmet club dinner. We introduced ourselves to the other four guests at the table. When I introduced myself one lady asked, “Are you a hooker?” How could I answer? It’s like asking “When did you stop beating your wife?”
I can’t imagine why she asked that. Those of you who know me know my style is pretty conservative. I wear minimal make-up, simple clothes, and I’m usually quite covered up because I’m always cold. Perhaps because I was unaccompanied (my hubby was on a business trip). Perhaps she meant a person who hooks rugs, but even that would be a bizarre ice-breaker question. Fortunately, I didn’t have to answer. My friends scolded the woman for asking such a rude question.
Studious Friend
We were discussing a controversial topic at dinner with our friends. My friend staunchly defended his position, “If you studied it, you’d know…” I responded, “Actually, I have studied it, have you?” He responded, “No, but…” and went on preaching his views on the topic. I just let him preach. It’s funny how we sometimes take strong positions on topics we really haven’t ‘studied.’
It’s Kicking Me
For years my father accused my mother of putting ‘those Italian spices’ in her spaghetti sauce. “They’re kicking me,” he’d say. Even after she threw the spices away he still accused Mom of using something that kicked him. It wasn’t until he was in his 70s that he found out he had acid reflux and started taking Nexium®. After that, he could eat what he wanted. By then, my mom was no longer cooking. He admitted to us daughters that it was probably the tomatoes in the sauce that ‘kicked’ him, but I wonder if he ever apologized to my mother for blaming her all those years for making spaghetti sauce that ‘kicked’ him.
Italian Spices weren't kicking my Dad after all
Poop
I wanted to identify what animal kept visiting our yard and leaving poop in the snow. I Googled the likely suspects; deer, raccoon, squirrel, rabbit. I expected to get a list of scholarly articles from universities studying animal poop. I couldn’t believe the top result was 'stock photos of deer poop.' I laughed at the idea that people are actually out taking professional stock photos of deer poop. Looking at the photo, I could tell the poop in our yard was deer poop. (Note: this was over 15 years ago. If you did the same search today, you would see scholarly articles about deer poop as the top entries. I guess I was way ahead of my time, but the picture was all I needed to answer my question).
Stupid Google questions
Blog regulars know I Google a lot – probably several times an hour. Here are some stupid questions I’ve seen in the Google search results.
Real Art? After the local university’s presentation on Nazi art theft that claimed the Chicago Art Institute had an estimated 500 pieces of Nazi-looted art, I googled ‘Chicago Art Institute Nazi-looted art.’3
The top question in the Google ‘People also ask’ section was “Does the Art Institute of Chicago have real paintings?” My first reaction was, “DUH!” But reading further, I guess it wasn’t a totally stupid question since natural history museums often use replicas.
Book Clubs
When I googled book clubs, the ‘People also ask’ section had, “What are you supposed to do in a book club?” The snarky answer would be ‘read and discuss books.’ But I realize some people might want guidance on how to run a book club.
Seemingly stupid questions people ask Google
Dumbest Google Searches
Finally, Mike Michalowicz lists The Dumbest Google Searches of All Time. 4 Here are my favorite dumb Google searches with Mike’s answers for the search:
Which smells worse, dog, cat, or human urine? In the scheme of things, does it really matter?
How long does it take to drown an ant? Probably 800 times longer than it takes to just squash it.
What is the medical term for when all of your arteries and veins are totally clogged with fat? I believe that’s called “dead.”
Happy Mother’s Day!
References
Pizza Has All The Major Food Groups, PizzaPlanet.com, February 18, 2015. Note: Pizza Planet claims that Pizza has all the major food groups, but they may be a bit biased.
MyPlate & Pizza, NestleUSA.com. Here’s Nestle’s analysis of pizza using the USDA’s MyPlate recommendations says it would have to be a special pizza to meet that goal.
Kirsten Scharnberg, Art Institute Takes Initiative on Works Looted in Nazi Era, Chicago Tribune, Mar 10, 2000
Mike Michalowicz, The Dumbest Google Searches Of All Time, American Express.com, November 20, 2012
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