After a long day prepping for and hosting a party, I felt exhausted. I thought “I’m getting too old for this. I never used to get this tired.” Or did I? After thinking about it, I remember even in my 40s being exhausted after hosting a party.
Pi Day Party, March 14, 2023
Am I unjustly blaming my aches, pains, and exhaustion on my age?
Thomas Felke, a Positive Aging expert (1), tells seniors to be careful about blaming age for everything that goes wrong. He says “Try not to blame old age for fatigue, disorganization, or a bad memory. In our youth, we blamed lack of sleep, poor planning, and forgetfulness.”
So instead of age, I’ll blame my fatigue on poor planning. In my planning, I had a bad memory of how much work the party was last year. But according to Felke instead of blaming a bad memory, I should blame it on forgetfulness. I forgot how long it took us to transport the party paraphernalia to the outside party area. I forgot how long it to took to hang decorations and set everything up. I forgot how exhausted we were when we hosted the same party a year ago. I forgot to say no when they asked me to do it again this year. I think I feel better already.
Choosing to say forgetfulness instead of bad memory seems like wordplay to me but Bard (Google's AI chatbot) says forgetfulness is the temporary inability to remember something and bad memory is persistent. (2)
Felke also says a positive attitude about aging can help you live longer. People with positive self-perceptions of aging lived 7.5 years longer, (3) can increase their lifespan by 11-15%, and can increase the likelihood of living to age 85 or beyond. (4)
Genetics also helps. I have a 100-year-old dad and my grandmother and her 8 siblings all lived to their mid-90s. Having those genetics gives me a positive attitude toward aging. I admit, that I ignore that several of my ancestors died at an early age. I’ve known friends whose parents died young and their expectations for living to a ripe old age are much lower. Why do they call it RIPE old age, anyway? Is being ripe good, like fully-matured fruit, or bad like smelly sweat socks? (5) I hope it’s the former, but I’d better make sure I keep up with my laundry.
Felke also warns against blaming old age for disabilities, instead of realizing there may be other factors that we can control. The secret to a speedy recovery from injury can be all in your head. People with a positive perception of aging were 44% more likely to fully recover from severe disability than those with negative age stereotypes. (6) They are more likely to fully engage in therapy such as balance and strength exercises that will help them fully recover.
Part of the positive attitude toward aging is not viewing age as a barrier. Don’t let age stop you from trying something new. We shouldn’t think, “I’m too old to do this.“ Realize that in most cases what’s preventing us from doing things are things we can control such as being out of shape or not having the required expertise.
I see both positive and negative attitudes about aging in my friends. One friend, seeing someone hobbling with a walker says, “That will be us in a few years.” She sees a decline in capabilities as inevitable.
I also see my 89-year-old friend who bikes 20+ miles, my 96-year-old friends who dance at concerts, or my 100+-year-old neighbor who walks around the lakes each morning, uses the rowing machine, and competes in our community’s bocce tournament. She stopped playing tennis when she was 97 because she was concerned she might fall and not be able to go on a trip she was planning.
In Growing Old is Optional examples of not seeing age as a barrier include an 80-year-old male model, a 100-year-old water skier, and an 80-year-old professional skateboarder. (7)
Another way we let our perceptions of age limit us is the use of technology. Felke warns us to not stereotype older people as being incompetent or unknowledgeable about social media or technology. During Felke’s talk, one resident said younger people should understand, “We old folks don’t use texts or Facebook.” This is an example of ageism – assuming older people don’t use technology.
Frank Shearer, 100 year old skier, from SF Gate.com
While some older people have avoided technology, there are just as many who have embraced it. A survey of our residents (average age 84) showed 86% of our residents use our community app to make restaurant reservations, look at the activities calendar, or look up their friends in the resident directory. Over 1/3 of our residents use Zoom to chat with distant friends or relatives. And over 1/3 use Facebook (Facebook use has decreased within the past two or three years), I know several 90+-year-old residents who prefer texts over phone calls or email.
A frequent lecturer at our community on iPhone apps use asks, “What’s the difference between younger people who know how to use the phone for everything and older people who don’t? They Use it! They tap away. They aren’t afraid to make mistakes. You can be as good as they are if you spend as much time tapping on the screens and experimenting.”
John Guera, FGCU, tells seniors to tap away on their iPhone
Studies on the use of technology and Social Media show a significant positive relationship between social media use and the mental health of older adults. Using the internet for connections with friends can relieve loneliness and help people look for and share information about health issues. In 2020, four out of five adults age 50+ rely on technology to stay connected and in touch with family and friends.
Being in a senior community, I have many opportunities to connect with friends in person. But I also get great joy in Zooming with my up-north friends year round and my snow-bird friends during the summer.
So if you're ever feeling down about getting older, just remember that your attitude on aging can make a big difference. Think positive thoughts, stay active and don’t let age keep you from trying something new.
Who knows, in a future blog you might see I’ve taken up skateboarding.
References
Thomas Felke, Executive Director of Florida Gulf Coast Institute on Positive Aging, FGCU Directory.
Lewina O. Lee, Peter James, Emily S. Zevon, Laura D. Kubzansky, Optimism is associated with exceptional longevity in 2 epidemiologic cohorts of men and women, PNAS (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences).
Levy, B. R., Slade, M. D., Kunkel, S. R., & Kasl, S. V., Longevity increased by positive self-perceptions of aging, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2002.
Positive age stereotypes improve recovery among the elderly, Yale News, November 12, 2022.
Ripe, dictionary.com, “fully developed physically and mentally,” but the current use of the idiom usually just signifies a long lifespan.
Becca R. Levy, PhD, Martin D. Slade, MPH, Terrence E. Murphy, PhD, Thomas M. Gill, MD, Association Between Positive Age Stereotypes and Recovery From Disability in Older Persons, Journal of American Medical Association, November 21, 2012.
Kathleen Coxwell, Growing Old is Optional! 14 Stories of Amazing Accomplishments by People Older than You, New Retirement, September 24, 2020.
The Effects of Social Media Use on the Health of Older Adults: ANIH Library of Medicine, September 1, 2021.
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