Five minutes before we left for dinner at our community’s casual restaurant hubby looked at me and asked, “You’re wearing that? Aren’t you going to change your top?” I was wearing a pale blue Pima cotton Land’s End crew neck top.
Pretty drab, but still 'resort casual
“What don’t you like about it?”
“It doesn’t have a collar.”
I was puzzled. Why, on that night, did he notice my top didn’t have a collar? We’ve been married 55 years and he’s never noticed only five of my 50 tops have collars. The rest are collarless: crew necks, V-necks, scoop necks, or boat necks. The five with collars are actually blouses.
Did he notice my collarless top today because I wasn’t wearing my ubiquitous jacket or sweater over it to keep me warm?
Or, perhaps he doesn’t like something else about my top. Color? I doubt that’s the reason; it’s blue, his favorite color. Style? Well, being a lazy shopper I bought 8 tops of that style in different colors and he’s never commented on the white, pink, purple, black, red, teal, or beige top.
I changed my top (to a fancier collarless top so he wouldn’t feel like he was accompanying a bag lady, but I was still puzzled why hubby didn’t like it. Then I remembered, men have rules about collars. They are supposed to wear collared shirts at many venues such as the golf course. There are even collar guides for men: Gentlemen’s Gazette (1) and Men’s Health (2) are only two of the 83,600,000 results I got when I Googled “when do men need to wear shirts with collars.”
The collar incident got me thinking about style. Our style says a lot about us. Though we are warned to not judge a book by its cover, Forbes informs us that people form their impressions of you within 7 seconds. (3) The Association for Psychological Science says it’s only 1/8 second. (4).
Picture what you think when you see someone with multicolored hair or tattoos; tight clothes versus baggy clothes; heavy makeup versus no makeup. What snap judgment do you make based on what people are wearing?
One of the rules for making a good impression is to dress appropriately for the event. The dress code for the restaurant we were going to is ‘resort casual.’ “Conservative length shorts are permitted at any meal period. Bathing suits without an appropriate coverup or wet bathing suits even if covered up are not permitted.” No worries there. You won’t even see me in a bathing suit at the pool (see 18-year-old Brain in an Old Body).
I call my style Florida Frigid casual. You’ll rarely see me sleeveless or in shorts – not because of my flabby underarms or pencil-thin legs. No. I wear long sleeves, long slacks, and socks until the thermostat reads 90. And usually a jacket. But as an added bonus, my long sleeves and slacks do hide my underarms and skinny legs.
Some people look so put together with perfect hair, unwrinkled clothes, and the perfect outfit for the occasion. That’s not me. My fine, now thinning hair only keeps a style for 15 minutes. My clothes start off slightly wrinkled and continue to wrinkle every time I move. And no matter what the occasion I always wear tops and slacks. I adjust for the occasion with my top – anything from plain Pima cotton to blinged blouses.
So you can imagine my surprise when visitors to my Classmates.com guest book selected ‘well-dressed’ for “how you remember Sue.” I was flummoxed. What other options these guests were given that they chose well-dressed - brilliant, beautiful, most popular, outdoorsy, or soft-spoken? Looking back, I guess I was style-conscious in high school. My mother commented I’d never leave my room unless I had on make-up.
Speaking of dressing for the occasion, decades ago a new friend invited me to her Christmas party. I asked her what people typically wore and she responded, “Oh, most of the ladies wear cocktail dresses.” I walked into the party with a short, white chiffon dress with gold trim and 4” gold heels. Everyone was wearing sweaters and slacks. My pride in looking elegant turned into the shame of seeming pretentious. But I got over it, made a joke, and joined in the fun. Next year I wore a sweater and slacks.
Even though my closet is filled with tops and slacks, for years (maybe decades) I had one dress: a turquoise linen shift with a matching jacket that I wore to weddings. I tried the dress on a while back and I’d need to lose a few pounds for it to look good, so I gave it to a thrift store. So don’t ask me to a wedding.
If anyone ever asks why I always wear slacks, I love the reason Ellen DeGeneres gave for wearing only slacks: “years ago when I was young and impressionable, after eating some fermented berries at Camp Tatchey-Too Too, I had both my legs completely tattooed with designs of bougainvillea. Now, if I wear a skirt, I am constantly bothered by bees.” (5)
I envy women who wear sleeveless tops and shorts and skirts. But everyone knows, I’m usually bundled up because I’m usually cold. Hence my Florida Frigid sense of style.
References
Jack Collins, Shirt Collar Styles for Men: The Complete Guide, Gentlemen’s Gazette, November 20, 2022
Christine Flammia, The Man’s Guide To Shirt Collars, Men’s Health, December 28, 2016
Serenity Gibbons, You And Your Business Have 7 Seconds To Make A First Impression: Here's How To Succeed Forbes, June 18, 2018
Eric Wargo, How Many Seconds to a First Impression?, Association for Psychological Science, July 1, 2006
Ellen DeGeneres, My Point, and I Do Have One, Bantam, September 25, 2007
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