Chatting with friends, we got on the topic of people who’ve never strayed far from their home. Back In the 90s, while eating at a restaurant in New Orleans, we met a young man in his thirties who owned a blood sausage plant just 30 miles north. We couldn’t believe it was his first time away from his hometown. He mentioned how he enjoyed this trip. My jaw dropped. I had lived in seven cities and had traveled to seven states by that age. Nowhere near as much as other people, but the young man marveled at the idea of such travel.
Later that evening we were discussing people’s comfort level with travel or their desire to stay close to home. I commented that if I had to remain in a small city for long, I would feel confined, like being in a straight jacket. Our friend commented, “Some people put on that straight jacket on purpose. In Martha’s Vineyard, several people never leave. They stay there during the frigid winters weathering the storms, strong winds, and low temperatures. The island is isolated when the severe weather closes Ferry services. Without tourists, many of the stores close. Yet some people prefer that isolation.”
Some people have stayed in the same small town they were born their entire life. In contrast, I’ve only lived in larger cities. I lived in Chicago when I first went to school and the city where I spent my middle years had over 200,000 people.
It makes you wonder if your preferences for where you live are in your genes or from your upbringing (nature or nurture) Since I’ve always lived in larger cities and traveled a bit when I was young, do I prefer cities and travel because of my early experience, or do I just naturally enjoy big cities? Are there people who grew up in big cities who hate the hustle and bustle and desire what I would call the straight jacket of calm, rural living? Pleasant experiences might play a part. As a young child, I got a taste of the big city. When my mother took me downtown, most likely on a bus, the trip seemed like an adventure. Downtown it was a delight for this small child: I watched the sparkling, animated characters in Marshall Field’s Christmas windows (link to video) and marveled at the multi-story tree in the atrium.
Another child might be terrified of the same experience. Boarding a crowded bus with dozens of strangers could be frightening. So could the noise of the big city. A picture of the Marshall Fields windows shows crowds of people jamming the sidewalks. So maybe experience (nurture) doesn’t totally explain our wish for activity or solace.
Don’t get me wrong. I occasionally love the serenity and solitude of isolated areas such as Denali National Park, Monument Valley, or the expanse of snowy mountains in Wyoming between Rawlings and Granger where you might see pronghorns grazing on the roadside. But after a few weeks, get me back to the city. It reminds me of the Green Acres theme.
When I speak of the straight jacket, I think about a lack of experiences, a lack of options. According to a personality preference profile, I prefer options. This might explain why I’m excited about new restaurants, new states, and new cities.
Since we’ve moved to Naples from the Chicago area, I miss the abundance of ethnic restaurants and ethnic foods. I miss the abundance of museums. I miss the abundance of world-class doctors and hospitals. In some aspects, my life has narrowed. Mind you, it’s by choice. While I miss a lot of things, there are benefits. Wonderful winters for one. And at this age, perhaps I need to close down some options.
This summer at my niece’s wedding my brother-in-law asked, “Which city do you prefer – Chicago or Naples?” I yelled, “Chicago!” My brother-in-law seemed surprised. He didn’t say it, but I guess he wondered, “Why do you live in Naples if you like Chicago better?” It surprised everyone at the table when hubby chimed in with “Chicago.” Hubby hates crowds, and the grey, cold winters, and snow. “My arthritic hands don’t work in that cold weather.” But he also hated the property taxes – enough money to go on two overseas trips each year. Warm weather and taxes – that’s why we are in Naples. So perhaps, he too enjoyed the abundance of Chicago offerings.
Whether we travel or stay put isn’t only about preferences. Our choices hinge on many personal factors: finances, our stage in life, and current life circumstances. We love to travel but are limited because we have a special-needs cat. We love Chicago, but taxes and weather make the selection of Naples a better choice for us at this stage of our lives. So it seems we need to balance preferences with personal considerations when making choices of where we live and how far we stray from home.
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