Some people only like change when it comes from a vending machine.1 Others crave variety in their life.
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I worked with change-phobic bachelor who announced one day, “I’m changing my life. I always have steak and green beans for dinner. Tonight, I think I’ll switch to steak and corn.” He wasn’t kidding. Our jaws dropped with astonishment. How could a person eat the same thing every night?
Another colleague ate exclusively at McDonald's, even when he was travelling. In Paris, he ate at McDonald's while his wife and friends dined at the famous Café de Flore. Many of us shook our heads with disbelief. McDonald’s in Paris?
These two friends liked their meals to stay the same. Food isn’t the only area where people like things to stay the same. Many people listen exclusively to music from their high school or young adult years. One friend listens to only 60s music. One day he told us his new favorite song, That’s All, by Genesis. I was flabbergasted. How did his tastes suddenly leap from the sixties to the eighties? How did he stumble on that particular song?
When it comes to food or music, these friends are among the 5% of people do not like any change. Another 65% of the population prefers only occasional, minor changes.2 They prefer situations to evolve slowly over time. Their motto: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”3
“Change is not a four-letter word...but often your reaction to it is!” Jeffrey Gitomer
Your preference for stability or variety may differ depending on the context. You might like sameness in music but like variety in dining. You might want things to stay the same at work, but want variety in your home environment.
Differences in the need for variety or stability can cause friction in couples, families, or friends. Does your husband or friend want steak every night while you crave something/anything different? Mexican? Italian? Or do you get tired of your partner’s endless experimenting with new recipes? You think, “Can’t we just have steak one night?”
Is your family getting tired of hearing The Greatest Hits of the 60s and 70s? Or do you wish your friend would stop listening to Radio Paradise, a streaming service with an eclectic blend of rock, indie, electronica, and more. You think, “I don’t even know most of those songs.”
Even people who like variety like some things to stay the same. Last week I dashed through Ace Hardware to grab some spot remover in the familiar place and it wasn’t there. They had rearranged the store aisles. How annoying! I had to search through the isles to find it. Now I can see why my husband gets upset when I rearrange the drawers, even if the new arrangement makes more sense to me.
We can satisfy our different needs for sameness or variety by carving out experiences to satisfy those needs. I know my love of grunge and alternative music (e.g., Pearl Jam) is like fingernails on a blackboard to most of my friends, so I listen to it while exercising or in the car. My friend satisfies her need for a variety of cuisines by having lunch with friends. Many married couples watch TV in separate rooms.
Is Variety Your Spice of Life? Shutterstock
The thing to remember is we all have different preferences for sameness or variety in different areas of our life. We need to find a way to satisfy our own needs and to allow our friends and family space to satisfy their quest for sameness or variety.
Is your motto “A Change Will Do You Good,” by Sheryl Crow or “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?”
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“Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.” ― Robert C. Gallagher
Shelly Rose Charvet Words that Change Minds, (2019). Self-published.
“Change is not a four-letter word...but often your reaction to it is!” ― Jeffrey Gitomer
Other articles on Change:
Rosabeth Moss Kanter (September 25, 2012). 10 Reasons Why People Resist Change, Harvard Business Review.
Dr. Rachel MK Headley (June 4, 2020). Four Things to Remember When Working with People Who Hate Change. Forbes.
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